Imposter Syndrome: How To Identify It, Deal, And Use It with Vasavi Kumar
“That if you are not as good as my solitude or better I don’t really want to f*ck with you. It’s all about embracing parts of yourself. When you embrace every single part of you. You won’t settle for bullshit from other people. ”
I know it may seem like imposter syndrome is a buzzword. We hear about it, talk about it, and say we suffer from it, but that’s normally where we leave it.
But what do we do with it?
This little thing does not go away if you're anything like me. I don’t just wake up one morning and suddenly never deal with it again. However, I knew there had to be a better way to deal with this, to change my perspective into one that was more helpful; I just didn’t know-how.
When I had the opportunity to speak with Vasavi Kumar, licensed therapist, author, and host of the Say It Out Loud podcast, about imposter syndrome, I quickly made my questions known.
Now to say we hit it off is a big understatement. Vasavi and I found kindred spirits in each other, and this interview is probably ranked up among some of my favorites I’ve ever done.
We covered so much more than what will be in this article, so if you want the full edition, make sure to listen to the week’s So She Slays podcast interview with Vasavi.
I know we’ve heard imposter syndrome thrown around but what is it really?
So imposter syndrome is a belief that you are not good enough to be in the position you're going to be in, or you question your credibility and or validity. Like, let's just say you get promoted; yes, you may immediately feel like, "Hey, I'm going to be making more money," but then have a voice right after say, "oh my god, am I going to be able to do this?" "Am I qualified to do this? You can have a train of thought that people think I'm a nobody like, or "Why the hell did she or he get the promotion?" It is right there that doubting one's abilities to do what they were promoted, hired to do, or allowed to do, is part of imposture syndrome.
Now that we know what it is. How do we deal with it?
Okay, I typically operated in my masculine, right? I'm a hustler. You tell me to do something. I did it yesterday. My biggest trigger is to repeat myself. I do not like to repeat myself. When I talk, I talk with intention. Pay attention. That's how I operate. Now I've learned to soften it up with myself and others, but I also embrace that part of me. I do have boundaries. Substantial ones, which depends on you know, if I want to be flexible, I can, but I shut off my phone, put my phone in the other room at night, and am very quiet in the morning.
I don't talk to a lot of people. But I think the biggest thing that I've done for myself is to learn how to be alone and enjoy the shit out of my own company. There are so many things that I can tell you that if you google how to get in touch with your body. Yes, like all the things I'm saying, do all of them. You know I'll do find out what feels good. I now like bubble baths. Try all the things and figure out what works for you. There's no one right way. But the most significant thing I did for myself that I think gives me the unshakable confidence and conviction that I have is I can be alone with myself and feel full, and I enjoy my solitude so much. If you are not as good as my solitude or better, I don't want to f*ck with you. It's all about embracing parts of yourself. When you assume every aspect of yourself, you won't settle for bullshit from other people.
Can we use it to our advantage?
If you're in a position where you think you're saying to yourself, "Do I deserve to be here?" Bla bla bla bla, my book that's coming out spring of 2023 it's called Say it out loud. It's all about talking to yourself out loud. Like we pay a therapist to talk to, we have coaches to talk to, and we have friends. I'm trying to train you to use your voice and say what you want to say out loud and then dialogue with yourself. So I'll use mine as an example. I got told that I would be on the cover of the May magazine here in Austin. And this is what I said to myself out loud in the kitchen.
“Oh my god. Vasavi I cannot believe you're going to be on the cover. Oh my god, but I don't make as much money as any of those other women that have been on the cover. They're going to be like Who is she? She's a fucking deserve to be on there yet, but you like, Why do you care so much about what other people think you've been wanting this cover for so long? And the fact that they're going to do a full feature you're going to have wardrobe and styling like, who cares? I know I just I guess I've just been feeling a little insecure lately because I've been going through this transition and I'm just like questioning everything going on. So even this great thing that I want to celebrate. I can't even celebrate it because I'm insecure and other areas of my life. Okay, I really appreciate that honesty. Let's talk about it.”
Do you see that?
We have parts to us that have been broken, shattered, and fragmented. And they're all just trying to find their way back and the way you. Our voice is the most sacred instrument we have. I think it's the ability not to be so afraid of our own emotions. So when you do have that initial freakout, you can do many things. You can keep freaking out, or you can say, "Okay, I'm freaking out right now." Observe that you're freaking out. What do I need at this moment? I need to take a breath. You might also need to freak out and get it out.
For more about Vasavi check out her website or follow her on IG.
We dive into more during our interview so make sure to catch the full thing below!